“I can’t begin to describe the pain – my worst nightmare. I felt abandoned and ‘less than.’ I felt used and abused and worthless, unlovable, ugly and every negative emotion known to mankind…it felt like death by 1000 cuts.”
Throughout her book, Miriam describes the difficult journey of facing reality, setting her personal boundaries and moving toward recovery.
In Miriam’s situation, she chose to stay in the marriage and work with her husband. But she also recognizes that choice is personal for every woman who is betrayed.
One of the triggers Miriam worked through was the negative thoughts that bombarded her. As she studied, counseled and moved toward recovery, she learned some steps for dealing with those negative thoughts:
• Tell the thoughts to STOP! Interrupt the negative thought or image by focusing attention on it and notice how it makes you feel.
• Take deep breaths, calm down and relax. The state of anxiety shuts down rational thoughts. You can’t move on until you’ve learned to relax the anxiety.
• Assign your “mental lawyer” to work for you. Is this thought reality and a fact or just something you are imagining? Can you change it? If not, assign it to the past and let it float away.
• Remind yourself that it takes time to heal from an injury. You will eventually make it through. You WILL heal.
• Escort the negative thought out of your mind. Refuse to take responsibility for its lies. Choose a new reaction and move toward the positive thoughts of healing.
Miriam has chosen to share her story so that other women will know what to do when it happens to them. Statistically, 50% of marriages will fail and a good percentage of those are because of infidelity.
But women CAN heal. In Miriam’s situation, she and her husband are still together, still learning how to respect each other and facing the reality of the situation.
Best of all, Miriam has learned new respect for herself. She has grown emotionally and spiritually. She is stronger now, able to set personal boundaries and draw the line that must not be crossed.
Her final words contain a challenge and a sense of her own victory, “It’s your life. Heal yourself and go forward to live YOUR best life. How you go on from here really is your choice.”
©2015 GateWay of Hope – The Helping Place for Hurting Women
With gratitude to Miriam Allen, author of “Miriam’s Tears.” http://amzn.to/1MZCKcF