Hope in Unfailing Love

I imagine he loved me, but I don’t recall those words ever being spoken.

My dad taught me to ride a bike, roller skate and snow ski. He bought a camper and took us on summer vacation for weeks at a time. He taught me to swim in the ocean and how to catch crabs in the bay. I loved my dad, and when he was relaxed, I enjoyed being around him.

He wasn’t relaxed very often.

As a workaholic, my father was very demanding. He had quite a temper and I never knew when his anger would erupt. The sales clerk who moved too slow and the repairman who failed to fix the lawn mower were unlucky recipients of his anger.

So were older siblings when they didn’t complete their chores to his satisfaction. I witnessed my mother enduring his verbal abuse, and I made it my goal to never be the object of his wrath.

I lived most of my childhood trying hard to be perfect. It was exhausting and brought unspoken shame.

I was embarrassed by the way Dad treated people but I would never have whispered those words to another living soul.

Even writing them now seems a small betrayal of our family. But words left unspoken, when truth is at stake, can be devastating. Family secrets can be dangerous.

The truth is, fathers are supposed to treat their families with love and respect. If their anger results in sin, they are to apologize and ask for forgiveness. If they are unable to control themselves, they are to seek help.

Fathers are not expected to be perfect. They are however, designed by God to be an earthly representation of a perfect heavenly Father’s love.

Dads are supposed to build up their families, not tear them down. They are to provide for and protect those they love.

Unfortunately, not all dads understand their role. And many do not rely on God to help them love their families well.

My experiences with my dad affected how I viewed God. One day as I was sitting at a conference, the speaker asked the audience to close their eyes and picture God.

We were asked to think about Bible verses that spoke of his love. Not a single verse came to mind. Instead, a startling image emerged – my dad, standing with a pen and a clipboard, ready to critique my performance.

No wonder I had held God at arm’s length. I believed in his existence, but didn’t believe he cared about the details of my life. I thought he was harsh and demanding, waiting for me to mess up so he could point out my faults.

That weekend I discovered God was nothing like my Dad. I learned he loved me regardless of my performance.

He patiently waited for me to ask him to heal the heartache of those early years trying to measure up to unattainable standards. He longed to speak words of love to my soul.

The Bible speaks of God having unfailing love; without error or fault. God’s love is reliable, constant, and everlasting.

Imperfect people will fail. Dreams of perfect relationships will shatter. But God’s love can be there to help pick up the pieces.

God proved his love when he gave his only Son to rescue me from my self-centered love and my sin. There isn’t anything I can do to make God love me more than he already does.

Since God’s love is a gift, there isn’t anything that I can do that will cause him to take away his love.

I don’t have to earn his love, or prove I’m worthy of it. He proved I’m worthy of his love when he exchanged places with me on the cross.

This unfailing love satisfies my need to be known and valued for who I am, not what I think I should be or what someone else wants me to be. God’s love faithfully brings peace and joy when I trust him to work in and through me, that which I cannot work in myself.

God’s unfailing love is also there for me when I am the one in the wrong. When my anger lashes out, it enables me to humble myself and ask for forgiveness, instead of withdrawing in shame.

When I fall short of loving others, and others fall short of loving me, I can put my hope in God’s unfailing love.

©2017 Cindy Richardson for GateWay of Hope

Cindy Richardson seeks to encourage, challenge and inspire women in their journey of hope through Bible studies, speaking and writing. Cindy weaves God’s truth and shares her faith with kindergartners at St. Joseph Christian School. Residing in St. Joseph, Missouri with her husband, Tom, she enjoys the friendship of her three grown daughters and loves being Nana to six grandchildren. For more inspiration, visit cindyrichardson.org.

False Expectations

I used to believe expectations were synonymous with hope, but that seemed true only if I did not set unrealistic expectations in the first place.Expectations quote

In my case, I dreamed of fostering the “perfect” home environment. I was a fan of the 70s television show The Waltons, and I considered them the quintessential family.

Sure, they had their differences. Often the siblings would argue, or the parents would face tough financial times during the Great Depression.

But invariably all conflict resolved within an hour, and the show concluded with the entire clan gathered around the family dinner table. This scene always pictured enough to eat, pleasant conversation, plenty of laughter, and the undeniable feeling of perfect love and acceptance.

This was my goal. To establish a family dinner table that not only nourished the body but also the soul.

I wanted my children to look forward to holiday meals where we could reminisce fond memories and create new ones. I longed for meaningful conversation that would extend long after the meal was complete.

Imagine my devastation when my youngest reminisced about her childhood, “It wasn’t a family dinner unless someone left the table crying.”

I was crushed. Not because of what she said, but because what she said was true.

Although we began with good intentions, sometimes our hearts and mouths did not properly connect. Conversation was often an emotional reaction rather than a thoughtful response.

Sarcasm created confusion rather than fostering understanding, and what was meant as gentle teasing pressed on raw nerves, causing unintentional pain.

The discouraging truth crushed my dream of ever creating the close-knit family I desired.

As I learned that expectations are not synonymous with hope, I realized I was looking for something that could never exist. I based my expectations on a fictitious outcome.

Expectations rely on pre-determined outcomes.

Hope relies on Christ.

As much as I love my family, I know Christ loves them more. As much as I want us to accept one another for who we are, I know Christ desires that even more.

I am now working to align my desires with God’s plan. While it is difficult to release the long-established false expectation of a happy family, I trust God to work all things for the good.

©2015 Molly Totoro
Molly Totoro is a writer and a recently retired English teacher who has a heart and passion for authentic living. She firmly believes “Everyone has a story to share” and is currently establishing a ministry, Milestone Memoirs, where she helps others discover and write their stories to impact future generations. Molly shares the importance of leaving a legacy at Stepping Stones Publications, and she frequently blogs at My Cozy Book Nook.