What Forgiveness is NOT

Debra Laaser has written an insightful book titled, “Shattered Vows.” She writes from the experience of a wife whose husband lived a secret life of sexual addictions until he was caught, fired from his job and then escorted home.

In one chapter, Laaser describes how difficult forgiveness is, “One of the most difficult challenges of the journey through the pain of sexual betrayal is getting rid of anger, resentment and bitterness.”

Then Laaser goes on to explain what forgiveness is NOT. While she speaks from the viewpoint of sexual betrayal, these concepts ring true for any type of offense that is done against us:

• Forgiveness does not mean that you approve of what the person did

• Forgiveness does not mean that you need to excuse or justify what the person did

• Forgiveness does not mean that you need to protect the person from the consequences

• Forgiveness does not mean that you are required to hide the truth for the sake of keeping the peace

• Forgiveness does not mean that you must try to forget the offense

• Forgiveness does not mean that you should minimize the severity of the offense

• Forgiveness does not mean that you must relinquish feelings of hurt or anger

• Forgiveness does not mean that you must reconcile

• Forgiveness does not mean that you have to trust that person again

• Forgiveness is not something you can process quickly

So, in your opinion, what IS true forgiveness?praying_hands_bible

©2013 GateWay of Hope Ministries

2 thoughts on “What Forgiveness is NOT

  • February 19, 2013 at 12:13 pm
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    Please, for all if us working through the forgiveness process, now clarify what forgiveness LOOKS LIKE, in practical terms. Thank you. I truly enjoy the posts, as they give words to my own feelings and help me put things in perspective. Blessings for the work you do to bring healing to us.

    Reply
    • February 19, 2013 at 9:38 pm
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      Thank you, Andy – yes, another post will follow soon dealing with forgiveness and what it truly looks like.

      Reply

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