A Pastor’s Wife Sets Boundaries

Today’s post is a guest blog from Pastor Keith Glover of Pastor2Pastors. Keith is a Coach, Trainer and Minister to Ministers. He is an ordained Pastor and has served over 10 years in ministry both full-time and bi-vocationally.

Since I’ve never been a pastor’s wife, I sought out a friend of mine who is. She does a great job handling all the pressures of ministry, family and just life in general.

I asked her to give me some insights and wisdom to share with you. She appropriately suggested two scriptures that have carried her and her pastor husband through some of the valleys of the ministry journey (check out Psalm 25:4-5 and Proverbs 3:5-6). Young Woman Sitting and Holding a Cup of Coffee

She stated that the hardest thing about being a pastor’s wife is the balance between ministry and family. Many pastors’ wives battle selfishness, wanting more time with their husbands, yet knowing they need to help others. As pastors, they are called to do just that.

Ministering to others versus meeting the needs of your own family is the key issue.

One thing that helped this particular family was to set a time for family one day per week and at least one night out, every two weeks for the husband/wife relationship. In other words – setting the boundaries.

While there isn’t a hard and fast rule that will work for every ministry couple, the fact that the pastor and spouse sit down together and determine the needs of their family is essential. They agree on a set time for family and a separate time for their marriage.

One frequent obstacle for a pastor’s wife is the feeling that her husband has his ministry while she is home with the kids – without a ministry of her own.

My friend saw her ministry as making their home a refuge for her husband, to minister to him and the children. She suggested “The Seasons of a Woman’s Life” by Lois Evans (Dr. Tony Evans’ wife) that helped her see her role in ministry as vital to the church as well as to her family.

She also suggested that it is crucial to not hold in problems, but to work through them together. Pastors’ wives may feel they are adding to his already burdened load by sharing problems and concerns.

Sharing honestly and openly allows you to work through those issues together and actually strengthens your relationship.

Communication is key, and sometimes that requires the help of a coach, a counselor or a trusted friend.

Whatever you do, don’t bottle up the emotions. Deal with them by sharing honestly and working through them together with God.

©2013 Keith Glover

Keith Glover is Head Coach at Pastor2PastorsKeith Glover
He helps Pastors & Ministry Leaders take care of themselves to better serve others