Healthy Relationship Series: Safety
by Danielle Melton, MA, LCPC
In order to have a relationship where closeness, connection, and compassion exists, you must first have safety. It is so much easier to be authentic and vulnerable when you feel safe with your partner, friend, or colleague. Brene Brown reminds us, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”
Safety in relationships requires each of the subjects that make up the Healthy Relationship Wheel: Trust and Support, Accountability, Respect, Communication, and Cooperation.
Additionally – for safety to exist in a relationship, there must be a lack of violence. If you aren’t sure if your current relationship is safe, you can ask yourself the following list of questions compiled by Lisa Najavits, author of Seeking Safety.
Are you in a relationship right now in which someone:
- Offers you substances or uses in your presence after you’ve asked the person not to?
- Repeatedly criticizes you, invalidates your feelings, or humiliates you?
- Manipulates you?
- Is physically hurting you or threatening to?
- Discourages you from getting help? (for example, medication, therapy, AA)
- Lies to you repeatedly?
- Betrays your trust (for example, tells your secrets to others)?
- Makes unreasonable requests (for example, demands you pay for everything)?
- Exploits you
- Ignores your physical needs (for example, refuses safe sex)?
- Is controlling and overinvolved?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions you can get help by calling GateWay of Hope at 913-393-4283. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. Your safety matters and help is available!
If you have recently left an abusive relationship and would like support, you can contact Megan Ross, MA, LCPC to learn more about our Restoring Hope group. Just call 913-393-4283 and ask for Megan.
And be sure to go to our website, www.gwhope.org for additional information that can help you.