Healthy Relationships Series: Part 1 -TRUST- by Danielle Melton, MA, LCPC
Are you struggling with a current relationship in your life? Relationships can be romantic, platonic, work related, family, or acquaintance. Relationships make up a large part of our everyday life experiences, and can bring with them joy, support, and love … but they can also bring frustration, anger, and even pain. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship!
What makes up a healthy relationship? We can take a few clues from the Equity Wheel, (developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, Duluth, MN, www.theduluthmodel.org).
Trust and Support:
Take a moment and think – how do you define trust? Your answer most likely depends on your lived experiences.
Brene Brown, a popular speaker on topics such as shame and vulnerability, has defined trust with an acronym, BRAVING.
B-Boundaries, does that person have boundaries and do they hold them? Do they respect your boundaries? There’s no trust without boundaries.
R-Reliability, does that person do what they say they’re going to do over and over and over again?
A-Accountability, does that person own it when they make a mistake? Are you allowed to own it, apologize, and make amends when you make a mistake?
V-Vault, does that person keep what you share safe and confidential? Do they tell other people’s stories that aren’t theirs to tell?
I-Integrity, does that person “choose courage over comfort, choose what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy, and practice their values not just profess them?”
N-Non-judgment, can you fall apart, struggle, and ask for help without being judged by them?
G-Generosity, do they assume the most generous thing about your words, intentions, and behaviors and then check in with you? (Adapted from Brene Brown’s book “Braving the Wilderness”)
And here’s the thing, this BRAVING acronym works with self trust too. Can you honor your own boundaries? Can you count on yourself? Do you hold yourself accountable? Are you protective of your stories? Do you stay in integrity? Are you judgmental towards yourself? And do you give yourself the benefit of the doubt, are you generous towards yourself?
Watch Brene Brown’s talk on “The Anatomy of Trust” here. She gives a helpful metaphor of trust like a marble jar. You don’t want to miss it.
Learn more about Gateway of Hope and how we can support you as you navigate healthy relationships here.