Healthy Relationship Series Part 2: Accountability by Danielle Melton, MA, LCPC
In the previous post, we discussed accountability as part of Brene Brown’s acronym for trust. You can read it here.
As we dive a little further into accountability, we see that accountability is owning it when you do something wrong, apologizing, and making amends.
A genuine apology can be difficult to give to your partner, especially if healthy conflict wasn’t modeled for you in your past.
Here are a few tips for giving a genuine apology.
- Focus only on the fact that you hurt your partner, and look at things from their perspective. Do not use the word “but” as in “I’m sorry but…”
- Verbalize what you can take responsibility for and stay on your side of the street. “I took the stressful day I had out on you.” “I was too harsh when I spoke to you.” or “I’m sorry for my part in this.”
- Ask your partner what they need from you to move forward. Be sure to follow through on the request. An apology is empty if you continue the very same behavior you just apologized for. “What do you need from me to move forward?” or “What can I do to make amends?”
*These steps for a sincere apology are for relationships where there is no violence nor power and control. Also, a serious hurt or betrayal will take repair work over time to rebuild trust.
Here are some resources if you are in an abusive relationship:
Gateway of Hope offers a group for women recovering from abusive relationships called Restoring Hope. Call 913-393-4283 to participate in this group, forming this week.
Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233. National Resource Center on Domestic Violence: 800-537-2238.
Here are some resources if you are have experienced sexual betrayal in your relationship:
Crystal Reaud Day, MAPC offers coaching for women affected by sexual addiction. Read more about Crystal here.
And be sure to visit our website, www.gwhope.org for additional information that can help you.